garden pests

Garden Star of the week: Whatever the fuck this is

/ sweetsaraline

Here is a tip for Montrealers with out of town visitors: take them to Jean-Talon Market. It’s sure to be a hit, and it will be very convenient for you because you can pick up a few things for dinner while you’re there.

This is what my husband and I did yesterday. As we were all leaving the market carrying our goodies, I saw a sign that said “anti-écureuil”* and I floated towards it like a sailor being drawn to a big pile of dangerous rocks by a murderous mermaid. And there it was, a display full of this plant. The market seller told me that all I had to do was leave them in their pots and place them about five feet apart, and my garden would become like a Bermuda Triangle for squirrels. I didn’t even ask what the plant was called, I simply paid the man immediately and went on my merry way.

I have no idea if it will actually work, but I can’t resist any possible opportunity to one-up those pesky rascals. And that is why whatever the fuck this plant is has earned the distinction of being the Garden Star 🌟 of the week. Congrats… you.

*Anti-squirrel

Garden Star of the week: Basil

/ sweetsaraline

Basil is a fragrant and versatile choice for your garden. Although the plants are difficult to start from seed, once you have one, all you have to do is stick it in the ground outside and leave it alone. Since it repels some insect pests and since it is tasty, it makes a great companion for tomatoes in the garden and on your plate. It’s also a good companion for pizza, pasta, and ricotta cheese, especially if the ricotta cheese is in a lasagna, which is actually the real reason why basil is the Garden Star 🌟 of the week. Nom nom nom, basil!

Garden Star of the week: The hibiscus flowers that survived the squirrel attacks

/ sweetsaraline

Hibiscus flowers are bright and beautiful and taste really good when they’re used to make iced tea. Unfortunately, squirrels also like them. They bite the flowers off of the plant so that they can suck the juice out of the stems. Sometimes they do this before the flowers even get a chance to bloom. This may sound like a reason not to get a hibiscus tree, (or at least a reason to keep them inside all year round), but when a flower actually makes it and is able to bloom, it is certain to be the star 🌟 of your garden for the two days that you’ll get to enjoy its beauty. You did it, hibiscus!

It’s not fair that squirrels are cute and spiders are scary

/ sweetsaraline

I’m in my house getting ready to leave when I see an adorable woodland creature looking at me through the window. It’s covered in soft grey fur with delicate little tufts above its ears. Its dark eyes are curious and wistful. It curls its teeny tiny little squirrel paws in front of its chest as it bobs up and down in the window, it bushy tail twitching excitedly behind it.

“You little fucker,” I say to the squirrel, who is one of the cutest fuckers in my backyard and definitely not my friend.

Maybe we could be friends if I didn’t have a garden, but I don’t want friends who dig up all of my carefully tended plants so they can bury their stupid nuts all over my yard and in every single one of my planters, including the ones hanging from the freaking roof of my house. I don’t want friends who just carelessly toss said plants onto the ground like garbage after they dig them up. What kind of asshole just bites all the flowers off of someone’s brand new hibiscus tree and then spits them on the ground like a nonchalant serial killer? And what kind of asshole then proceeds to bite the hibiscus buds off before they even bloom? Who does that?

Now, spiders, on the the other hand. Now there’s a true friend. They just sit around all day garden pests. They’re not hurting anyone. They’re a gardener’s best friend, and yet I’ve been terrified of them my entire life. Why can’t spiders be cute while we make squirrels into Halloween decorations?

Maybe one day spiders will be big enough to eat squirrels, the worst garden pest of them all. Wait, no, that sounds horrifying.