The sun was only just starting to come up. The birds were trilling, the dew was shining, you know, you’ve seen a morning before. The vampires were going to bed and Tiffany was finished her night shift and expecting to walk into a quiet house. Instead, she found Charlie with a pot of coffee and a stack of pancakes.

“Happy birthday!” he said.

“Oh, did you do this for me?” she said, even though she knew perfectly well that he had done it for her.

“I set an alarm and woke up and everything,” he said as he poured a cup of coffee for her.

“This looks good,” she said. She sat at the table. He slowly pushed the stack of pancakes in front of her. The plate made a scraping sound on the table.

“Aren’t you having any?” she asked.

“What? Me? No,” he said. “I’m not hungry. I made them for you.”

“I can’t eat all of these,” she said.

“Maybe the kids can have some when they get up,” he said. “I’ll just grab another plate.” He went to the cupboard and came back with two more plates. He put two pancakes on a plate for Tiffany and then said, “Maybe I’ll just have two or three,” and helped himself.

“So, how are the vampires?” he asked.

“Good,” she said. “Everyone seemed to be in a good mood, everything was quiet, it was good.”

“How’s Murray?”

“She’s doing great,” she said. “She’s excited about the talent show. She’s writing a new song.” She shoved some more pancakes into her mouth.

“Is Gal still enjoying his new cat?”

Tiffany glanced up and finished chewing her pancake. “I’m not entirely sure yet, but I think that Galfrid has turned his new cat into a vampire.”

“A vampire cat?” Charlie exclaimed. “That sounds bad.”

“I know. Maybe getting him that cat was a mistake.”

“I thought it seemed like a good idea, too,” Charlie said.

“How were things in the house?” Tiffany asked. “Did you have a good sleep?”

“I slept okay,” he said. “I’m going to make a fresh batch of blood today.”

“Maybe Hannah and Tom could help you,” she suggested. “You know, learn the secret family recipe.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said Charlie. “Hannah doesn’t seem very interested and Tom’s a little too interested.”

“Maybe he’s too young.”

“Maybe.”

“I really don’t see any harm, though. It can’t hurt anyone.”

“That’s true.”

“Well, thank you for the birthday pancakes.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I’m going to bed.” She stood up.

“I’ll clean up in here and then I’ll come join you for a little bit.” He got up and gave her a long kiss.

“Goodnight.”

“See you in a minute.”

Tiffany got into bed. She started out on her side and then flopped onto her back. She stretched and wiggled, trying to get comfortable. She switched to her side again and lay still. That’s when she noticed the sound of breathing from under her bed.

It was soft with a gentle wheezing and shakiness, so quiet that you almost couldn’t hear it. It was like the sound of a vampire’s breathing.

Tiffany forced a yawn and loudly scratched the back of her neck as she looked around the room for a weapon. She had vampire tranquilizers in the safe in the corner, but it was, of course, locked; she did not want her kids playing with vampire tranquilizers. On her dresser there were candles and matches. If she could get a candle lit she might have something to work with, but she preferred not to set vampires on fire. It wasn’t her style; she wasn’t a vampire hunter, she ran a vampire sanctuary. Her grandmother’s rosary was hanging from the dresser mirror, but the cross was small and would only keep the vampire away for a short time. Her gaze went back to the safe. There was a bookcase next to it.

Tiffany casually got out of bed and walked to the bookcase. She took a book off the shelf and looked at it like she was trying to decide if she wanted to read it or not. She put it back and crouched down to look at the books on the lower shelves. There were approximately twenty Nancy Drew books. She was slowly moving her hand towards the safe when the vampire rolled out from under the bed. She grabbed a Nancy Drew book in each hand and spun around.

“Can I help you?” she said in a stern voice. The vampire said, “Aaaaaaaaaah!” and charged at her with his teeth bared. She threw one of the Nancy Drews at his face.

“Hey, what the fuck?” he said.

“You’re asking me ‘what the fuck?’” she said. “How the fuck did you get into my house? Who invited you?”

The vampire said, “Aaaaaaaaaaah!” again and continued his charge. She threw the other book at him and then knocked the entire bookcase over on top of him. She turned and began punching the numbers on the safe. She had one number left when he grabbed her leg and started dragging her toward him. She struggled forward and managed to get the last number before being dragged back again. She twisted upward and kicked him in the throat. She scrambled away and stood up.

“What do you want?” she shouted.

“I was hired to kill you,” he growled.

He sprang from the ground and charged at her again. She moved out of the way and he went head first into the mirror. The broken glass burst through the air like fireworks.

Tiffany rushed to the safe and got out a vial of vampire tranquilizer and a syringe. She filled the syringe and he charged forward again and knocked her down on her back. She could feel his breath on her neck as he moved in for the kill. She jabbed the syringe in his arm. He passed out on top of her.

She rolled him over and sat up to look at her destroyed bedroom. At that moment Charlie walked into the room while taking his shirt off.

“Are you ready for your next birthday surprise?” he asked. Then he looked around and said, “Oh.”